I hate school.

(Update:  After taking a beating from some of my teacher friends, please allow me state for the record that I do NOT really hate school.  I actually always loved school and did quite well.  Please... read to the end of the post... you'll get it, I hope!)

Actually… I hate the start of a new school year.

Oh, sure… there’s some exciting elements about it. 

I love buying new school supplies and always find a few that I need want, too.  (New Sharpies, Bic Crystal pens, a planner, and Post-It Notes… anyone else with me here?)  Buying a few new outfits is always fun… and then the repeated fashion shows in attempt to determine which will be the winning outfit to be worn on the first day.

And then there’s the anticipation of new opportunities. New classes with new teachers. New friends and memories just waiting to be made.

A return to routine is kind of nice.  (Any other calendar-keeping, list-making, control freaks agree on this one?)

And yet… I hate the start of a new school year.

I’ve never been one of those mamas who start counting down days ‘til the first day of school on the first day of summer.

(What is wrong with them???) 

I don’t want my children to go back to school.

Of course, I realize that I truly don’t hate the start of a new school year.  I just don’t like giving up the one-on-one time with my children. The unhurried minutes of hanging out at home, the pool, the beach or between the many summer activities.  Activities spent with them.

What do I really hate?

That the first day of the new school year marks the passing of time.  The day symbolizes the marching of time that I can’t stop despite all the control I like to think I wield.  It reminds me of our ever evolving relationship and emphasizes how fast my kids are growing into adults… and the fact that there’s nothing I can do to stop time. Nor would I really, truly want to.

Kat started her sophomore year of high school yesterday.

 And this one?

Today is Burrito’s first day of classes at THE BIG UNIVERSITY.  (Hook ’em!!!)

Signed,

A Slightly Melancholy Mama

(P.S. – A big “thank you” to the group of mamas who met yesterday morning after the school drop-offs for The 7^th Annual Moms’ Back-to-School Breakfast. There’s nothing like copious amounts of coffee, deep discussions, side-splitting laughter and a little retail therapy with “the girls” to lighten a mama’s heart. Each one of you is a very special woman!)

9/11 - Never Forget

"Will it happen again?"

"Would they do it today since it's September 11th again?"

Wow.

How do I answer these questions with the honesty my teens deserve? We've talked about this subject a lot lately.

Our conclusion?

The best way to make sure it never happens again is to never forget that it happened in the first place.

Mama Bear

May is such a hectic time for everyone, it seems. The month can be overwhelming at times with all the end of school year activities, programs, concerts, ceremonies, etc. - all piled on top of the regular calendar of activities and commitments. When I'm in a season like this, I'm likely to be more easily angered, more quickly offended... and I'm more likely to bare the mama bear teeth and claws, and to growl loudly at all who would dare to threaten my cubs.

This train of thought reminded me of a post that I wrote last year. When I looked it up, I was surprised to find that it was posted on May 20, 2008. Exactly one year ago today. Reading it brought back the memories of what we were going through at that time, and how similar the circumstances were to those of this year. It also reminded me that "this too shall pass."

So, rather than trying to rewrite what I've already done, I'm going to repost the original.

***************************************************

A quick search on the internet revealed several sites that describe the qualities of mama bears. They all had a common theme.

• Mother bears will not leave their cubs. They are fiercely protective. She will hide her cubs nearby (to keep them safe) while she hunts or fishes. She will put them in a place where they are still nearby, but where other animals are not likely to notice the cubs. If a mother bear feels that her cubs are in danger, she will fight to the death to protect them.


• Mother bears are fiercely protective and extremely devoted, attentive, sensitive and affectionate with their young cubs.


• The mother will fiercely protect her cubs from any perceived danger.


• Mother bears are fiercely protective of their young. You especially don't want to get between a mother bear and a cub.


• A mother bear with cubs will be fiercely protective.

Fiercely protective. Sound familiar? Are you a mama bear? I am.

My kiddos can vouch for this. They say they can see the transformation begin in my eyes. Then it moves to my jaws. The clinching begins. The timbre of my voice drops and sharpens as the volume slightly rises. Sometimes more than slightly. Push me beyond this stage and you’re likely to see the claws, snarling teeth and flying fur appear.

It doesn’t have to be a life or death situation to bring about these protective instincts. And, it doesn’t matter the age of your child. I’m certain that my parents still feel the mama bear tendencies arise when they believe my sister or I have been wronged.

Wronged. Aggrieved. Mistreated. Persecuted. Maltreated. Victimized. Offended. Ill-treated. Injured. Harmed. (I have a great thesaurus. Let me know if you need more words.)

The dilemma in these situations, I’ve discovered, is finding the discernment to know when to unleash the mama bear. Or, when to take a deep, cleansing breath, step aside and let my cubs fight their own battle. Especially as my kiddos are getting older.

How am I doing with this dilemma? Well, it’s a day-to-day process. Some days I get it right. Some days I don’t. My prayer, though, is that my kiddos will know that whether I jump into the fray in their behalf or step aside and allow the battle and its outcome to be theirs, Mama Bear is there. Praying for guidance and protection from the One who loves them even more than I ever could.

And then I return to our family verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. " (Jeremiah 29:11-13 NLT)

Overheard...

In our home, the kiddos' bedrooms and the game room are on the second floor of the house. The main living areas and our bedroom are on the first floor. So quite often the kiddos are able to carry on conversations without us hearing them.

Burrito left at six o'dark-clock in the morning to participate in an indoor drumline competition in another town. (They placed second! Woohoo!!) That left Kat an only child for the day and stuck alone with me as Bud had also left on a fishing trip.

Apparently, they both have a lot of catching up to do as they've been talking pretty much nonstop since Burrito arrived home about an hour ago.

As I was preparing to order pizza for our dinner (don't judge... I already told you Bud was fishing!), I overheard this conversation as Burrito passed Kat on his way back to his room following a shower.

Kat: You're so skinny!

Burrito: That's okay - at least I won't ever have to worry about getting fat.

Kat: Ya, but you're almost too skinny.

Burrito: No I'm not. Plus, look at the muscles in my arms from playing drums. It's sick!

(Sick is a good thing in teenager speak.)

Kat: I think you should get a six-pack.

Burrito: Okay.

Because it's just that easy, right? Let's not tell him about the cruel trick his metabolism is going to play on him somewhere in his mid-30's, okay?

Confessions: Mamma's Boys

A new show premiers on NBC tonight. "Momma's Boys" is a new dating series that centers on three possessive yet loving mothers who must help their complacent sons choose the perfect woman - and ultimately poses the question: "Who is really the most important woman in every man's life?"

Over the course of six weeks, viewers will watch intense, emotional showdowns and rivalries, as well as raw, personal moments between mother and son. All of this will unfold as 32 single women - some classy and some brassy - vie for the attention of the three eligible bachelors and their mothers who live with them throughout the series. "Momma's Boys" will uncover the conflicts between a mother's wishes and a son's desires and reveal the truth about who plays a more crucial role in a young man's life - his mother or his significant other.

(So say the previews for this show.)

There are some reality shows that I like to watch. This won't be one of them. I question whether this show even qualifies as a reality show. And I further question the sincerity of the emotions and the depth of relationships fostered in the artificial environment created by the show's creator and producers.

However, I do believe I have two unique perspectives on the subject of this show. If you read my anniversary post, you'll know that Bud and I met on a blind date - set up by his mother. So, I can attest to the valuable insight a mother may have into whom might or might not be a good match for her son. Did Bud's mom set us up with the hopes that we'd be married barely more than a year later? No. She just knew both of us well enough to know that our personalities and interests would be a good match for a friendship. It just turned out to be the deepest kind of friendship.

She also did not go on our first date with us. She did not plan our dates. She did not spy on our dates. (That I know of!) She did not instigate showdowns. She did not view me as a rival, but rather as a friend and now daughter. She did not eliminate any other potential girlfriends. Not that eliminating the competition wouldn't have been appreciated had there been anyone else vying for Bud's attention! Just saying...

My other perspective comes from now being the mother of a son who is probably on the cusp of dating. I've already told Burrito that I hope he chooses a girl who does not have a mother. You know, so that she'll turn to me for advice in making little decisions like what colors to choose for the wedding, where to hold the reception, what to name my first grandbaby, and who to spend the holidays with every year. I kid. Mostly.

Seriously, we have already begun talking with Burrito about choosing his future spouse. Other than asking Christ to be his savior, it will be the most important decision he will make and his choice will affect all aspects of his life. We've emphasized that it's never too early to begin praying for this young woman. We've talked to him about the benefits of having Godly counsel in making decisions like choosing a spouse. Godly counsel. That would be me. (Oh, come on... I kid again. Mostly.)

I won't be watching this show. Let me know if you do and what you think of it.

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:31-33 NLT)

Mama Bear

A quick search on the internet revealed several sites that describe the qualities of mama bears. They all had a common theme.

• Mother bears will not leave their cubs. They are fiercely protective. She will hide her cubs nearby (to keep them safe) while she hunts or fishes. She will put them in a place where they are still nearby, but where other animals are not likely to notice the cubs. If a mother bear feels that her cubs are in danger, she will fight to the death to protect them.
• Mother bears are fiercely protective and extremely devoted, attentive, sensitive and affectionate with their young cubs.
• The mother will fiercely protect her cubs from any perceived danger.
• Mother bears are fiercely protective of their young.
• You especially don't want to get between a mother bear and a cub. A mother bear with cubs will be fiercely protective.

Fiercely protective. Sound familiar? Are you a mama bear? I am.

My kiddos can vouch for this. They say they can see the transformation begin in my eyes. Then it moves to my jaws. The clinching begins. The timbre of my voice drops and sharpens as the volume slightly rises. Sometimes more than slightly. Push me beyond this stage and you’re likely to see the claws, snarling teeth and flying fur appear.

It doesn’t have to be a life or death situation to bring about these protective instincts. And, it doesn’t matter the age of your child. I’m certain that my parents still feel the mama bear tendencies arise when they believe my sister or I have been wronged.

Wronged. Aggrieved. Mistreated. Persecuted. Maltreated. Victimized. Offended. Ill-treated. Injured. Harmed. (I have a great thesaurus. Let me know if you need more words.)

The dilemma in these situations, I’ve discovered, is finding the discernment to know when to unleash the mama bear. Or, when to take a deep, cleansing breath, step aside and let my cubs fight their own battle. Especially as my kiddos are getting older.

How am I doing with this dilemma? Well, it’s a day-to-day process. Some days I get it right. Some days I don’t. My prayer, though, is that my kiddos will know that whether I jump into the fray in their behalf or step aside and allow the battle and its outcome to be theirs, Mama Bear is there. Praying for guidance and protection from the One who loves them even more than I ever could.

And then I return to our family verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. " (Jeremiah 29:11-13 NLT)